Things I’m Afraid to Tell You & Reflections for the New Year

Things I'm Afraid To Tell YouA couple years ago there was this big blogging movement called, “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.”  I first heard about it on Creature Comforts but lots of other bloggers participated.  I didn’t set out to write a post like this, I really just wanted to jot down some goals for the new year, but it kinda turned it to dishing things I wouldn’t normally write about on here.  So I thought I would just go for it and dive right in to my goals for 2014 that also happen to be some things that make me a teeny bit nervous to click the publish button on this post.  Here we go!2014 Reflections and Goals

Goal 1. Don’t be so scared.  As I get older, I notice I’m more afraid – of everything!  I seem to appreciate the fragility of life more than ever before and that makes me want to stop taking risks and stop stepping outside my comfort zone.  Nice and comfortable, like the pair of old sweats I can’t throw out because they’re so familiar and soft, that’s the mode I’ve been trying to live in for the past year.  2013 was a blessing and a curse.  I got to quit my job that was no longer fulfilling and I could do whatever I wanted.  And I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do.  And I let that kind of freedom stall me.  Atrophy my confidence and creativity.  I got scared!   I don’t think it’s the freedom that caused those things, but the first domino in line that caused the chain reaction.  Fear of failure keeps me from creating the content I want to for this blog, so I haven’t really tried lately.  Fear of rejection keeps me from reaching out to potential sponsors or collaborators or even making new friends.  A small but more tangible example: we had a lot of turbulence on my last flight coming back from the Caribbean and it was so upsetting that it made me never want to fly again (I will of course, continue to fly).  When I finally realized how I’ve been self-sabotaging, I couldn’t BELIEVE who I’d become.  Momma didn’t raise no scaredy cat.  I’ve always been insecure about a lot of things, but at least I tried to push myself towards uncomfortable situations that usually led to rewards.  I’ve stopped pushing myself and that’s not cool.  Writing this post is the first baby step, you know, by declaring to the whole internet my deepest fears and desires and all, and is actually a great segue in to goal #2.

sparkle

Goal 2. Blog more.    I started writing this blog and it was great….but then… people started reading it. Not that I’ve ever had a negative reaction; on the contrary, all my comments from readers have been super supportive and uplifting.  Which is a SO AWESOME to hear and I ALWAYS make sure to respond and relay my sincerest gratitude, but also creates a tiny voice in the back of my head that says, “Don’t screw this up, Katy.”  And without anyone forcing me to write or produce content, and feeling like all the other blogs out there are so much better than mine, and mine is completely amateur hour, I froze.  I went long stretches without writing, not letting myself be creative or sharing my thoughts because I thought they were dumb.  Now, to be fair, part of my slow down in writing WAS due to the fact that I was renovating a house and painting it from top to bottom and then moving…and that really did take over my life for a bit.  But I also think I used it as an excuse to not try to blogging more during the process.

I’ve had several people ask me if I’m going to start blogging more now in the new year; get back to my daily posts.  And my answer is: I really hope so!  Such a wussy answer, but my confidence doesn’t feel built up enough to answer with a resounding, “HELL YEAH, WORLD! HERE I COME!” though the goal is to get there.  :)zinnias

Goal 3. Exercise with people.  Here’s another thing I’ve never talked about on here that I’m a little afraid to reveal.  I have struggled with for years, and may always struggle with, my weight.  It’s been a constant battle and source of anxiety since I was a young child (about 8 years old) and grew up being overweight.  My last semester of college I took a chance and responded to a flyer from exercise science majors looking for students to train that wanted to lose weight and it changed  my life.  I lost 50 pounds that semester and have successfully kept it most of it off for years, but the scale’s been creeping back for a while now and I just refuse to go all the way back to where I started.  Losing weight is the hardest thing in the world.  My relationships with food and exercise have never been truly healthy and it’s something I have to continually work on.  I notice that I am most successful with consistently exercising and living a healthy life style when other people are involved to make it fun, have some accountability, and look forward to it each day. I’ve had a couple other personal trainers since college and would love nothing more than to keep going if the budget allowed for it.  Seriously, nothing compares to working with a legit, skilled trainer that pushes you but also becomes a friend.  I miss the luxury of having someone kick my butt SO MUCH :)  (Atlanta peeps – Body Solutions in Buckhead is the absolute best if you can spare the $560 or so a month.  It’s pricey, but they’re the best.)  I’m excited to try out a kettlebell gym soon though and am hoping that trying something new, in a group setting, will lend some more consistent motivation than (sporadically) working out by myself, and make it interesting and fun.  Time to get in shape for goal #4…

Goal 4. Have a BABY!  This is not an announcement that I’m pregnant.  Just an announcement that I hope to be soon.  :)  Parker and I now feel settled enough and ready to start a family.  I’ve been inching my way toward “ready” for a long time, always knowing that I would want children some day, but the idea was very abstract; sometime in the future.  The time has come though that I now feel it in my bones, an aching to be a mother.  It’s no longer a nice idea or something I’m sure I’ll want in the future.  Now it feels like my calling in life.  Like all my steps have been leading me toward this path and I’m no longer walking toward it, but running for it.  So.  Fingers crossed 2014 is the year we welcome our first child.  I suppose this isn’t really a “thing I’m afraid to tell you”, but it’s usually considered bad luck to talk about trying to get pregnant for fear of jinxing it.  But I’m looking at it more like sending my wish out in to the universe in hopes that positive energy or something will make it come true.  So wish us luck!  :)

winter citrusOkay, that’s it!  No more heavy stuff for a while.  Feels good to get it out though!  I didn’t want to even think about these things and kept pushing them to the back of my mind, but something about making the decision to become a parent forces you to want to be a better person I think.  And figure out your own stuff so you can be a good example to your kids.  That’s what I’m feeling any way.  :)

Tell me: do you have goals for this new year that go beyond the typical workout more/eat better/work-life balance type resolutions?  Any that are little scary to say out loud?  I’d love to hear yours!

24 Responses to “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You & Reflections for the New Year”

  1. Laura Dennison

    I am so proud of you! You’re right, momma didn’t raise no scaredy cat. My momma was a scaredy cat. One of the things I have always appreciated and loved about your dad is that he would scare me to death and get me out of my comfort zone. He has always been so supportive. That’s one of the things that is so exciting about the bison ranch. On the one hand it feels scary and stupid and expensive. And on the other hand it feels exciting and challenging and a chance to learn something new. I hope we go for that other hand and can rise above our aches and pains as we get older and grab this brass ring of a new adventure. And I want that for you too. You have so much going for you and I want for you whatever you want. I don’t want you letting fear stop you from doing anything you want to do. Remember that most of what we fear never happens. And even if it does – we’ll learn and move on and grow from it. Most of the time it isn’t going to kill you. You can do this blogging thing, and the honesty of this post is awesome! I love you mostiostist.

    Reply
  2. Susan Atwood

    Thank you for an incredibly honest and very motivating post. I love how you take the bull by the horns and press forward. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like you are going forward but you are. These really made me think about the next phase in my life and how I can make it rewarding and an adventure. Thanks again for this post. I love you.

    Reply
    • Katy

      Aw. Thanks Susan. You’ve always been such a supporter of my writing and that means so much to me. :)

      Reply
  3. Tanya

    I love your blog and always look forward to your posts :) I wouldn’t change a thing. Best of luck on your goals & thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  4. Donna Peters

    I may have read this several times over before commenting. You have always been an inspiration to me. Your beauty, your laugh, your talent, and most of all your dance moves make me proud to call you a friend. The child that you will bring into this world will be unbelievably lucky to be yours. I can’t wait. Here’s to 2014!

    Reply
    • Katy

      Aww! Donna, that’s the nicest thing I think anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much! You inspire me too, mamma. Your babies are proof that you’re a great mom. Keep it up, miss you.

      Reply
  5. Jeanne Ward

    Oh Katy I love you – loved your breath of fresh air the minute I met you and was sooo happy for you when you quit work to pursue new (and much better LOL) pursuits. And I just KNEW you’d rock what ever you set out to do. I have really enjoyed your posts and blogs and have even made some of your receipes

    Reply
  6. Jeanne Ward

    (Didn’t post my whole reply for some reason – technology and I are not always friends – here’s the rest again

    Reply
  7. Jeanne Ward

    Oh goodness didn’t do it a 3rd time!!! Sheesh. I am not going to type it all out yet again – just know you are doing a great job and I hope to see you again on your mom’s bison ranch in 2015 (assuming I get invited

    Reply
    • Katy

      Aw Jeanne! I miss you! Thank you so much for our sweet words. You will definitely be invited to the farm when it’s all set up. We’ll have a girls weekend!

      Reply
  8. Patricia Rashed

    Love this site. It has inspired me to start a blog of my own. I’m kind of a fitness freak and can tell you the toughest part of exercise is just starting and putting on blinders at the gym. Don’t ever compare yourself!! I am doing my first full Ironman this summer in Lake Placid and I’m SCARED!! See? Everyone has fears no matter how skilled or talented they are. My mantra for 2014 is, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Keep posting (LOVE) the fresh ideas and pics.. and God Bless with the new (hopefully) baby!!

    Reply
    • Katy

      Wow!!! A full ironman?!? Patricia, that’s incredible. Thanks so much for your sweet and encouraging comment, it means a lot. Have you started your blog yet? I would love to read it!

      Reply
      • Patricia Rashed

        Katy-not yet, but I’m researching and while my 19 yr-old social media savvy son is home from Colorado, I’m going to get him to help me get it going! I’ll keep you posted ( no pun intended) :-)

        Reply
        • Katy

          Haha, can’t wait to see it! Would love to read any fitness or nutrition advice you have!

          Reply
  9. Dyan

    I loved this post, maybe because I just posted #1 and #4 as my goals for 2014 too so I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing and I’m sending much positive energy from the universe (I felt the same way about jinxing having a baby) so you can achieve all your goals. I’ll keep reading and following along.

    Dyan

    Reply
    • Katy

      Aww, thanks Dyan! Sending positive energy out in to the universe for you too! You are so pretty, I am sure you will have the most adorable babies :)

      Reply
  10. Christina Gibson

    Katy, your blog is amazing and I’m kind of obsessed with it! I love it! Good luck and please keep writing!! :)

    Reply
  11. Brittney Cotter

    I read this when you first posted it, but took a minute to think through my response… I’ve also found that I’ve become more afraid of things as I grow older. I can remember even just a few years ago being fearless and never worrying about what I did or the consequences. Now I’m finding myself terrified of the tiniest things. I was loving on one of our dogs the other day and the thought hit me that he could just bite me in the face at any time (this is a dog who doesn’t have a violent bone in his body). Now every single time he wants to love on me, my body just freezes and the whole time it’s all I can think about. Even driving down the road now I’m terrified that someone is going to do something stupid and hit me. So yeah… I can totally commiserate with that.

    I need to get back in shape in an awful way. Since leaving my job last month I’ve totally let myself go. It’s horrible. When we finally move down there we should be walking buddies and go walk the greenway together :-) We could do it every weekday morning. lol.

    And last but not least… your #4 is my #2… after getting back in shape of course. I’ve never wanted children. Up until very recently it was something I was adamant that I never wanted. But now I’ve found myself wanting it… the same way you put it “an aching”. I’m not sure what changed it, but it’s there… so another thing we have in common :-)

    Anywho… your blog is one of my favorite things. I check it all the time to see what ‘pretties’ or ‘yummies’ or just general awesomeness your writing about. I’ve told all my friends about it too. Well that’s all I’ve got tonight, but keep your head up. :-)

    Reply
    • Katy

      Brittney, we can definitely be walking buddies when you move closer! I’m so glad I’m not the only one feeling scared of silly things. My dreams don’t help either! But…gotta just put ourselves out there I guess, right? Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughtful response. Means a lot to me!

      Reply
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